Self-Gaslighting: How to Recognize It and Start Trusting Yourself Again
We’ve all had moments when we’ve second-guessed our feelings or told ourselves to “just get over it.” But when that becomes a pattern—when you’re constantly questioning your own reality or minimizing your emotions—it might be something deeper: self-gaslighting.
This isn’t about being dramatic. It’s about survival. Most of us learn this pattern without realizing it, especially if we grew up in environments where our emotions were ignored, invalidated, or dismissed. Over time, we start doing it to ourselves.
Here’s the truth: your feelings are real. Your experience matters. And it’s possible to unlearn the habit of shutting yourself down.
Let’s walk through a few grounded, therapist-backed steps to help you start noticing this pattern, understand where it came from, and build a new relationship with your inner voice—one rooted in self-trust, not self-doubt.
Recognizing and overcoming self-gaslighting takes time, but it’s worth it. I know this not just as a therapist, but from my own experience. For years, I brushed off my own needs, second-guessed my feelings, and told myself “it’s not that big of a deal”—even when it was. Learning to notice that voice and question where it came from was one of the hardest (and most freeing) things I’ve ever done. Because every time I chose to trust myself, even just a little, I felt more steady. More whole. You’re not just unlearning old patterns—you’re creating something new: a relationship with yourself that’s rooted in clarity, compassion, and real self-respect. And that kind of relationship changes everything.
Here's a three-step process to help you build self-trust.
Build Awareness of Self-Gaslighting Patterns
The first step in overcoming self-gaslighting is recognizing when it's happening. This requires developing a keen awareness of your inner dialogue. Here's how:
Pay attention to your self-talk: Notice when you're dismissing your feelings or experiences.
Identify triggers: Are there specific situations or people that tend to activate your self-doubt?
Listen to your body: Our bodies often signal distress before our minds catch up. Do you feel tense, anxious, or uneasy when certain thoughts arise?
To deepen your understanding, try this exercise:
Divide a page into two columns: "Doubting Part" and "Confident Part." For the Doubting Part, ask yourself:
What specific phrases does this part use?
What tone of voice does it have?
Does it remind you of anyone from your past?
How does your body feel when you hear this voice?
For the Confident Part, consider:
What does this part believe about you?
What is its tone and volume?
What messages does it want to convey?
How does your body respond to this voice?
This exercise can help you externalize the doubting voice and recognize it as separate from your true self.
Honor Self-Gaslighting as a Survival Strategy
It might seem counterintuitive, but the next step is to acknowledge that self-gaslighting likely developed as a coping mechanism. It was your mind's way of protecting you in challenging situations. Recognizing this allows you to approach self-gaslighting with curiosity rather than judgment.
Try this:
When you notice self-gaslighting thoughts, pause and say, "I see that I'm trying to protect myself right now."
Ask yourself, "What am I afraid might happen if I trust my initial feelings or perceptions?"
Remind yourself that while this strategy may have been helpful in the past, you now have new tools and resources available.
Remember, accepting these thoughts doesn't mean liking them.
It's about acknowledging their presence without letting them control you.
Create New Habits and Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
The final step involves actively reshaping your environment and thought patterns to support self-trust. This includes:
Practicing self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a good friend.
Seeking supportive relationships: Surround yourself with people who validate your experiences and emotions.
Challenging negative self-talk: When you notice self-gaslighting thoughts, consciously replace them with more balanced, compassionate alternatives.
Trusting your intuition: Start with small decisions and practice trusting your gut feelings.
Engaging in self-care: Regular self-care practices can reinforce the message that your needs and feelings are valid and important.
Remember, changing ingrained thought patterns takes time.
Building self-trust and self-compassion isn’t something that happens overnight. It takes time, intention, and patience—especially if you’ve spent years second-guessing yourself or minimizing your emotions.
But here’s the good news: every time you pause to check in with yourself, offer a kinder response, or acknowledge your truth, you’re doing the work. You’re creating new emotional patterns. And yes, your brain is literally changing as a result.
Overcoming self-gaslighting is more than just shifting your thoughts. It’s about learning to feel safe in your own experience again. It’s about recognizing that your feelings are valid, your perceptions are trustworthy, and your inner voice deserves to be heard, not silenced.
This work might feel slow or messy at times. That’s okay. Healing often happens in small, quiet moments, not big breakthroughs. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself.
So celebrate the small shifts. Surround yourself with people who see you clearly. And if it feels supportive, reach out to a therapist, a trusted friend, or a community that can hold space for the version of you that’s learning to feel safe, seen, and strong.
You don’t have to have it all figured out to be worthy of trust, especially your own.
You’re allowed to take your time.
And you’re allowed to rewrite the story.
You have the power to rewrite your internal narrative.
And build a relationship with yourself based on trust, compassion, and understanding.
