Building Confidence: 8 Tips From a Therapist

Mar 2

Written By Meredith Van Ness Therapy + Coaching

Have you ever wondered what confidence truly means? As a therapist and coach, I delve into this question constantly, recognizing how vast and multifaceted it truly is. At its core, confidence is knowing who you are and showing up as yourself. It's more than just listing your skills and accomplishments. Confidence is a deep-down belief in yourself, your values, and your ability to navigate life's challenges. While capturing it perfectly in words can be tricky, I rely on this core definition in my work and daily life.

Confidence is more than just a feeling; it's a deep-rooted belief in oneself and one's abilities. To truly understand confidence, we must first define what it means to us personally. Confidence begins with self-awareness – knowing who we are, what we stand for, and what we are capable of achieving. By taking the time to introspect and identify our strengths, weaknesses, values, and aspirations, we lay the foundation for building unshakeable confidence that comes from within.

This blog outlines some of the key concepts we delve into in my new course, "Unshakeable Confidence." This comprehensive online program offers a framework to help you define and build unshakeable confidence in yourself.

Why is confidence so important?

Think about it: when you believe in yourself, you're more likely to:

Set and achieve ambitious goals: You don't let self-doubt hold you back from pursuing your dreams, big or small.
Develop healthy relationships: You attract and nurture connections built on mutual respect and trust, fostering a supportive network that empowers you to thrive.
Embrace challenges: You see setbacks as opportunities for growth, not reasons to give up. You approach difficulties with resilience and a positive attitude.
Live authentically: You feel comfortable expressing your true self, values, and opinions without fear of judgment.

The Problem with Traditional Confidence-Building Tips

Many articles and self-help books offer generic advice on building confidence. They might tell you to "fake it till you make it" or focus solely on positive affirmations. While these approaches can have a temporary effect, they often fall short in the long run. Here's why:

They don't address the root cause: Often, low confidence stems from deeper issues like negative self-beliefs, experiences, or even underlying anxiety. Simply "faking it" doesn't address these underlying concerns.
They're not sustainable: Positive affirmations can be helpful, but repeating empty mantras without genuine self-belief can feel disingenuous.

Building Unshakeable Confidence: A Therapist's Approach

8 Ways to Cultivate Self-Confidence, Right Now.

1. Set Goals: Setting goals is like grabbing a map and compass for your journey to confidence and success. With clear goals, you have a sense of direction, knowing where you want to be. They also provide focus, helping you prioritize your actions and avoid getting sidetracked by everyday distractions. But most importantly, goals offer a way to track your progress. Just like seeing landmarks get closer on a map, achieving smaller goals along the way fuels your motivation and keeps you feeling excited about the bigger picture. And to make navigating your path even smoother, we can use the SMART framework (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound). This framework helps you break down those big, inspiring dreams into smaller, more manageable steps. No matter the size or timeframe, having goals acts like a beacon, guiding you towards your desired destination. They keep you aligned with your vision, propelling you forward with a sense of purpose and ultimately leading you to greater confidence and fulfillment in life.

2. Healthy Self-Talk: Have you ever noticed that voice in your head, constantly whispering doubts and anxieties? This inner critic, as it's often called, can feel like a nagging companion, chipping away at your confidence with negativity. But what if you could transform this inner voice into a supportive cheerleader?

Positive self-talk is like giving yourself a pep talk every single day. Instead of letting the inner critic tell you "I can't do this" or "I'm not good enough," you can silence it with empowering statements and affirmations. Imagine yourself facing a challenging presentation at work. Negative self-talk might say "Everyone will judge my every mistake," but with positive self-talk, you can counter with "I've prepared well, and even if I make a small slip-up, I can recover and deliver a strong presentation." Positive self-talk isn't just about empty praise; it's about acknowledging your strengths, reframing negative thoughts, and reminding yourself of your capabilities. It's the mental fuel that propels you forward in the face of challenges, fosters resilience, and boosts your overall self-esteem. This shift in your inner dialogue can be subtle, but the impact on your confidence is undeniable. It's like planting seeds of self-belief that blossom over time, allowing you to overcome obstacles and achieve your goals with unwavering confidence.

3. Align with Your Values: Imagine feeling like a total fake, constantly going against what you believe in deep down. That's what happens when your actions don't match your values. Your values are like your guiding principles, the things that are truly important to you. Maybe it's honesty, kindness, or helping others. When you live according to your values, it feels good! You feel genuine and fulfilled, and that translates into confidence. For example, if you value honesty but keep putting off a difficult conversation, it can leave you feeling uneasy and unsure of yourself. But if you have that conversation with honesty and integrity, even if it's tough, you'll walk away feeling confident and true to yourself. Living in alignment with your values is like building a strong foundation for confidence. It gives you a sense of inner peace and self-respect that shows in everything you do.

4. Self-Care is NOT Selfish: Think of self-care as the fuel that keeps your confidence engine running. It's not about bubble baths and face masks (although those can be fun!), it's about taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Just like a car needs regular maintenance, you need to take care of yourself to feel your best. This could mean getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, or taking breaks to relax and unwind. Maybe it's meditating, spending time in nature, or connecting with loved ones. When you prioritize self-care, you're not being selfish, you're actually giving yourself the tools you need to feel confident and show up for everything life throws your way. Taking care of yourself sends a message that you're worth it, which is a powerful foundation for building unshakeable confidence.

5. Know your strengths and use them: We all have special skills and talents that make us awesome! These strengths, whether it's being creative, great at solving problems, or a natural leader, are like superpowers for your confidence. When you know what you're good at and use those skills, it feels amazing! Imagine giving a presentation where you can tap into your creativity and make it engaging for everyone. That would definitely boost your confidence, right? The more you use your strengths, the more confident you become in yourself and your abilities. It's like training a muscle – the more you use it, the stronger it gets. So, identify your strengths and find ways to use them every day. It's a surefire way to feel more confident and tackle challenges with a "can-do" attitude

6. Being Grateful: Saying "thank you" isn't just good manners, it's actually good for your confidence! Gratitude is all about appreciating the good things in your life, big or small. Maybe it's your health, your family, or that delicious cup of coffee in the morning. Focusing on the positive things shifts your mind away from negativity and makes you feel happier overall. When you feel happy and content, you naturally feel more confident, too. Think of it like a magic trick – the more you appreciate the good stuff, the more good stuff seems to show up in your life. So, take a moment each day to reflect on what you're grateful for. It could be a quick mental note, writing in a gratitude journal, or even sharing your appreciation with someone you care about. Practicing gratitude is a simple but powerful way to boost your confidence and create a more positive outlook on life.

7. Be self- compassionate: We all mess up sometimes, and it's easy to beat yourself up over it. But that negativity can really hurt your confidence! Self-compassion is like treating yourself like a good friend. Instead of harsh criticism, it's about being kind and understanding, even when you make a mistake. Imagine missing a deadline at work. The critical voice might say "I'm such a failure," but with self-compassion, you could acknowledge it happened, maybe figure out what went wrong, and then move on. The "Unshakeable Confidence Course" actually has exercises to help you develop this skill. By being kinder to yourself, you'll build resilience and feel more confident overall.

8. Manifestation: Bringing Your Dreams to Life

Manifestation is the art of aligning your thoughts, beliefs, and actions with your desires to bring them into reality. It's not magic, but a powerful tool that can help you achieve your goals and create the life you dream of.

Getting Clear on Your Vision

The first step is to get crystal clear on what you want to manifest. Take some time to visualize your ideal life in vivid detail. What does success look like for you? Maybe it's landing your dream job, strengthening relationships, or achieving a personal fitness goal. The more specific you are, the easier it is for the universe to understand your desires. For example, if you want a new job, visualize yourself excelling in an interview, feeling confident in your skills, and landing the position that perfectly aligns with your talents.

Believe in Yourself and the Power of Possibility

Once you have a clear vision, it's time to cultivate a mindset of abundance and possibility. Believe that you are worthy of achieving your dreams, and that the universe is conspiring to help you get there. It's not about blind optimism, but a deep trust that with focused intention and effort, you can manifest your desires. Think of it like planting a seed. You believe the seed has the potential to grow, you nurture it with water and sunlight, and eventually, a beautiful flower blooms. The same is true for manifestation. Believe in the seed of your dreams, take action to nurture it, and trust that with time and effort, it will blossom into reality.

Taking Inspired Action

Manifestation isn't just about wishful thinking; it requires taking proactive steps to turn your dreams into reality. Break down your goals into smaller, actionable tasks, and commit to taking consistent steps every day. For example, if your goal is a new job, this might involve actively applying for positions, researching companies, and practicing your interview skills. Trust that the universe will support you in manifesting your desires as long as you stay aligned with your vision and keep moving forward.

Unlock Your Confidence Potential with My Online Course

Manifestation is a powerful tool for aligning your desires with the universe, but true transformation requires a deeper dive. Our online course, "Building Confidence Masterclass," provides the roadmap and support system you need to build unshakable confidence and turn those dreams into reality.

Enroll in the Building Confidence Masterclass Today!

This comprehensive online course, designed by me, Meredith VanNess, goes beyond simple visualization. You'll learn powerful strategies, practical exercises, and mindset shifts that not only help you dream big but also equip you to take action and build unshakable confidence

Here's what you'll gain in The UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE COURSE.

Deepen your self-awareness: Discover your core values, strengths, and limiting beliefs.
Craft a compelling vision board: Learn how to create a powerful visual representation of your desires.
Master positive self-talk: Reprogram your inner critic and silence self-doubt.
Develop unshakable confidence: Build resilience and overcome challenges with grace.
Align your actions with your goals: Learn to take inspired action and stay motivated.
Harness the power of gratitude: Cultivate an abundant mindset and attract more positivity.

Enroll for the online course today!